Days 2, 3, 4: Coming Out About Cancer: The Power of Love & Six Degrees of Separation

Since I didn’t start this blog until Day 9, I’m doing some backtracking to get caught up to date.

Fourth of July weekend, 2015 gave me three loooong days to wrap my head around the words I have CANCER. Though I’d had weeks of clues telling my gut that I had it, my brain handled the news like a couple of men arguing over a split decision after a heavyweight title fight.

Logic: You have breast cancer. Do the research, make a plan.

Denial: Not all of the histology reports are back yet. Maybe they’ll say something different. You know, maybe they’ll decide it’s just another phyllodes tumor they can cut out and that will be the end of it. The last two times the malignancy was enclosed in benign tissue so they got the whole thing in one swoop. No chemo or radiation, a day in outpatient surgery and then move right along back to normal.

Logic: Hey dumbass, did you read the top block on the test results that came back? See right there, Infiltrating Mammary (Ductal) Carcinoma. What part of C-A-N-C-E-R is unclear?

Denial: It has to be a mistake. Maybe it was just a few cells and they can use the Vacuum Assisted Breast Biopsy System aka Booby Nail Gun to remove the rest? Less than an hour under local anesthetic and all done.

Logic: Seriously? Just pick up the report and set it next to the computer screen. Every time you even think about opening your mouth with that nonsense look at it and re-read the results. Now shut up and go sit in the corner. I’m putting you in time out while I get some work done.

I am an information geek. I admit it. When doing research for stories I will chase wild hares and links down some crazy rabbit holes just out of curiousity. If we play trivial pursuit, you want me on your team- unless it’s sports related, I suck at sports. So given the above, of course I spent the weekend attached to the internet gathering data and notifying my larger circle of friends. I am single – divorced over twenty years – no kids except two rambunctious shelties. No brothers or sisters. As far as other relatives, well let’s just say that with a handful of exceptions, if I wanted to have a family reunion I’d only have to go a few miles to Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery. My friends are my primary support group through this journey.

One of the first things I did was ask V/K to put me in contact with RA, a breast cancer survivor who in spite of the disease pummeling her with every possible negative outcome, is still standing tall and fighting hard. RA is a strong advocate regarding the role nutrition plays in fighting cancer and we had several conversations in those first few days about not only nutrition but tips on how to handle the day to day challenges.

One of those challenges would be a decreasing ability to multitask as physical and mental resources are reassigned to battle duty against the tumor. While talking to RA by phone and online, I began posting notice of the diagnosis online, starting with the FFWG, an online international community of romance writers that I belong to.

I am so grateful to have those women as part of my life. The outpouring of support was incredible. My fabulous Critique Partner BMc surprised me by organizing the group to send me Amazon gift cards so that I could download books to read while undergoing the surgeries and chemotherapy. Within hours of the online post the emails started coming in with loving messages of support. It was the perfect – and practical – way to give me a boost during the initial days of coping.

I followed with posts and banner changes on Facebook and Twitter. I didn’t want sympathy or condolences, so I thought hard about how I wanted to present this challenge in a way that would inspire. This is what I finally, after multiple rewrites, posted:  On July 2, 2013 I took the first step in beating breast cancer by getting diagnosed. I also challenged all the women I knew to get their mammograms done if they had been putting them off. Over a dozen responded by making appointments. 🙂

Then I told the SARAs, the local romance writers’ group I joined in January of this year. I have been completely overwhelmed by the support offered by the members, many of whom I haven’t met yet. Writing is the thread that pulls us together and lifts us up. Minutes after my post I received IMs asking what I needed and what they could do to help. It’s been a hard year for our group. One of the long time members, LS, is also battling cancer and has recently started her chemotherapy.

SARA member T put me in contact with DW who is a breast cancer survivor and active in the cancer survivor community here. For the remainder of the weekend I had RA on one message thread and DW on another gaining valuable information on real life, day to day living with cancer. I looked at the photos of RA’s journey that she has on her FB page.

And here is where the Six Degrees of Separation kicks in:

RA and DW were referred to me by completely different friends who have never met.

RA and DW were both diagnosed with cancer in July 2013. They are both within days of being two years prior to mine.

RA and DW had the same oncologist.

RA and DW did their chemotherapy side by side and are close friends. In RA’s FB photos, DW is the dark haired woman in the next chair.

I am incredibly grateful to everyone who is supporting me in this fight. By focusing on the positive and finding the humor you give me the strength I need to make it through.

That’s the Power of Love baby